Coach and I have had many conversations about communication. When practices first started I would take a seat in the corner, by the outlet, and work on finding the hotels like I was told to do. Coach would tell me that I am secluding myself from the rest of the team, but I need an outlet to plug my computer into. In an attempt to fix that idea of me, I would try and work on my computer in the bleachers until the battery ran out, but my computer is slow so that did not last very long. Now I think Coach realizes that I am not secluding myself on purpose but because I have to work on the excel sheets and do other work for her. Another big communication issue has been me implying things. When I am working on a project that will take me more than a day, I feel it is implied that unless I am needed for another task I will continue working on what I was before. When I would come in and jump right into my projects, Coach would come over and ask me why I did not tell her my game plan for the day. I understand that she would want to know what I am up to, nut I am not just off to the side playing games, I am just finishing/continuing what I did the previous day. Regardless, I understand that she wants to be informed on what I am working on throughout the day so now I always check with her before I start my work for the day.
More recently, Coach and I had a talk about my role. As a manager and intern I asked if I could be more involved with workouts, line-up, whatever else. I quickly realized that that was not going to happen when she told me what the position of manager really was. We had bad two perceptions of it: I thought it was an extension of a coach, just doing the smaller tasks but in reality it is a manager in the sense of getting water bottles, getting the clock, picking up the kickboards, etc. Coach explained that what I am doing now is a big help and that I am already doing more than a normal manager would do and since I do not want to go into swimming professionally that I do not need to help her with workouts or anything like that. Another thing that we did not talk about but she always tells me is that I need to take initiative. It is very hard for me to take initiative because I do not know what needs to be done and I definitely do not want to get in the way or set something back because I tried to help and thought I was doing the right thing when I was not. There have been times where I take initiative but then Coach would disprove of what I was trying to do and so now I just wait to be told what to do.
Due to our different personalities and the way we want things done, it has been very difficult for us to get along. Coach says that when I am around her I become stiff, tense, and nervous. Coach lives in the moment. That is probably one of the best and worst things about her because when s great moment happened she will look like the happiest person in the world but when she is not, it shows. If it was not obvious from the above portion, I do not have many outwardly great moments and I normally have bad moments that I did not even realize were bad. So if I do not know what she is going to say, I automatically think it is a criticism on something that I did that day and probably do tense up. I do not do it on purpose nor realize that I do it most of the time, but she points it out to me so I need to figure out how to come across differently to her; I do not want Coach to feel uneasy around me just because of the way I look.
The biggest issue with our communication is the way we communicate. If there is one thing that I have learned about myself throughout this entire internship it is that I am too sensitive when it comes to my career. Coach tells me that I am too sensitive and says that I need to stop taking things personally. I do need to let comments roll off my back. She wants me to talk to her more, so I come up before every practice, unless she is talking to a swimmer, I get everything done fast and on time so she has it, if she points out something I do wrong then I make a mental note to fix it next time; it is hard when I try to adjust and instead of taking two steps forward I take one step forward but then do something else wrong and go back two. I do not know how to not take that personally. When I do something I go all-out, especially something for my future, and when my best does not seem to be good enough, I cannot help but take that personally. It is not as though Coach is sitting there waiting for me to fail, absolutely not, but when she points out even the littlest things that I do wrong it makes me feel like I failing. Coach says that I need someone who is fun and outgoing and will give me positives all the time as a boss. I disagree with that. I do not need someone holding my hand but I do need someone guiding my way and I think that is where it all goes wrong. This is a new program and Coach is doing sun a great job with it! She needs someone who knows what he/she is doing from the start and that is not me. I have not played a collegiate sport; I have not been this involved in a collegiate sport so I do not know how it goes. Coach has so much going on and so much responsibility on her shoulders that I understand that she cannot take the time to guide me; I do what I am told and I get the job done.
More recently, Coach and I had a talk about my role. As a manager and intern I asked if I could be more involved with workouts, line-up, whatever else. I quickly realized that that was not going to happen when she told me what the position of manager really was. We had bad two perceptions of it: I thought it was an extension of a coach, just doing the smaller tasks but in reality it is a manager in the sense of getting water bottles, getting the clock, picking up the kickboards, etc. Coach explained that what I am doing now is a big help and that I am already doing more than a normal manager would do and since I do not want to go into swimming professionally that I do not need to help her with workouts or anything like that. Another thing that we did not talk about but she always tells me is that I need to take initiative. It is very hard for me to take initiative because I do not know what needs to be done and I definitely do not want to get in the way or set something back because I tried to help and thought I was doing the right thing when I was not. There have been times where I take initiative but then Coach would disprove of what I was trying to do and so now I just wait to be told what to do.
Due to our different personalities and the way we want things done, it has been very difficult for us to get along. Coach says that when I am around her I become stiff, tense, and nervous. Coach lives in the moment. That is probably one of the best and worst things about her because when s great moment happened she will look like the happiest person in the world but when she is not, it shows. If it was not obvious from the above portion, I do not have many outwardly great moments and I normally have bad moments that I did not even realize were bad. So if I do not know what she is going to say, I automatically think it is a criticism on something that I did that day and probably do tense up. I do not do it on purpose nor realize that I do it most of the time, but she points it out to me so I need to figure out how to come across differently to her; I do not want Coach to feel uneasy around me just because of the way I look.
The biggest issue with our communication is the way we communicate. If there is one thing that I have learned about myself throughout this entire internship it is that I am too sensitive when it comes to my career. Coach tells me that I am too sensitive and says that I need to stop taking things personally. I do need to let comments roll off my back. She wants me to talk to her more, so I come up before every practice, unless she is talking to a swimmer, I get everything done fast and on time so she has it, if she points out something I do wrong then I make a mental note to fix it next time; it is hard when I try to adjust and instead of taking two steps forward I take one step forward but then do something else wrong and go back two. I do not know how to not take that personally. When I do something I go all-out, especially something for my future, and when my best does not seem to be good enough, I cannot help but take that personally. It is not as though Coach is sitting there waiting for me to fail, absolutely not, but when she points out even the littlest things that I do wrong it makes me feel like I failing. Coach says that I need someone who is fun and outgoing and will give me positives all the time as a boss. I disagree with that. I do not need someone holding my hand but I do need someone guiding my way and I think that is where it all goes wrong. This is a new program and Coach is doing sun a great job with it! She needs someone who knows what he/she is doing from the start and that is not me. I have not played a collegiate sport; I have not been this involved in a collegiate sport so I do not know how it goes. Coach has so much going on and so much responsibility on her shoulders that I understand that she cannot take the time to guide me; I do what I am told and I get the job done.
