Throughout this internship I have learned a lot about myself.  I have learned that I need to not take comments so personally and that I need a job where I can do my own projects instead.  Through classes I was well prepared when dealing with people and especially in the use of word, but mostly excel.  I have want to go into gameday management and promotions, but I realized that I do not want to be a collegiate coach.  There is too much stress and responsibility that goes into the job that, while I would be able to handle, is the kind of stress that I would not enjoy.  I like to have projects that I can work on myself, but in relation to this internship and most likely a coaching job, someone is always watching over you and making sure that you do it their way.  While I understand this, it has also given me insight as to the kind of worker I am and what type of jobs I will not make my first choice; however, through this experience I now know how to handle myself in those situations if I ever come across a supervisor like that.

There have been three meets so far and each one has been better than the last.  While Coach may wee me as someone who does the computer work on the side, I love watching them improve.  Kyle has grown as a leader. At Camp Glen he said that he did not know if he had what it took, but as I watch, I see him leading the freshmen, not because he is a good swimmer, but because he is willing to work hard but also rally the team to support one another.  Ygor’s speed has improved so much since the beginning of the season.  He is probably one of the nicest guys I have ever met and just as hard of a worker.  Logan, even though he is constantly drilled, has learned to swim big.  Even though sometimes he looks like a pinwheel he is getting there.  Even though he complains at times, he has so much heart and really wants to do well, but I think he just needs to boost his confidence for when he is racing. As a junior, Ty has led this group of mostly freshmen really well in and out of the pool.  Matt is a character but he needs to start trying.  He wants to be a sprinter but needs to accept that Coach is making him distance.  He needs to start realizing that if he really wants to be a sprinter he needs to show it, but he is not doing that right now. Melinda is doing such a good job.  Surrounded by the boys she knows how to kick some butt.  She is probably one of the hardest workers I have ever seen.  If the practice is supposed to be hard, she makes it hard and you know she puts her all into a practice when she can barely move or speak after.  Lauren has come such a long way.  She puts a huge effort into practice and sometimes I think it is so that Coach will watch and realize her improvement; however, when it comes to races, Lauren is just in her own head and psychs herself out.  Rasheed is probably the biggest improvement I have ever seen.  He started with no swim experience and the team helped him learn.  He told me the other day that by the end of this semester he wants to have down free, back and either fly or breast; right now he does free and back and I have to say he looks much more comfortable.  Kat has overcome back pain and two days ago finally completed her first full difficult practice.  She was so down about not being able to swim for a really long time and now that she is back she came up and was so excited to tell me about finishing practice.  I sincerely love this team!  They are what I look forward to every practice.  Watching them improve and seeing everything come together at meets makes every single part of my experience worth it!!

Whenever there are away meets, I come to practice with the swimmers who are either hurt or ineligible by the NCAA.  We have our own “meet” where they warm-up then swim a few events while I take their times.  This past weekend, there was a large conference meet and all of their friends would be gone Thursday through Saturday.  I knew that it was going to be a difficult time for to focus on their in-house races, but most importantly thinking about how bad they want to be at this conference with their friends and swimming for their team.  Coach told me “this weekend is not about you.  They are going to be upset that they cannot come to Calvin so make them feel comfortable.”  Even without Coach’s words I had asked them to all come with me to Christmas at the Ritz and 2/3 came.  We also ended up going to breakfast together after AM practice and the track meet later that afternoon.  My goal was to get them out of their rooms and have their own fun instead of remember that their friends were somewhere they wanted to be.  The swimmers kept me updated on the team and everyone did a great job at Calvin; however, those three swimmers that had to stayed back dropped a ton of time!  Trey got his personal best in both 100 Back and 200 Backs, Brenda dropped 15 seconds off of her 500 Free, and Kat, who has been making a comeback from a back problem, jumped off the blocks for the first time in 7 months.  She became frustrated, but I know it is because she wants to do well.  She needs to understand that things take time to get back into, but regardless they all did a great job and I had a great weekend bonding with all three of them!

Coach and I have had many conversations about communication.  When practices first started I would take a seat in the corner, by the outlet, and work on finding the hotels like I was told to do. Coach would tell me that I am secluding myself from the rest of the team, but I need an outlet to plug my computer into.  In an attempt to fix that idea of me, I would try and work on my computer in the bleachers until the battery ran out, but my computer is slow so that did not last very long.  Now I think Coach realizes that I am not secluding myself on purpose but because I have to work on the excel sheets and do other work for her.  Another big communication issue has been me implying things.  When I am working on a project that will take me more than a day, I feel it is implied that unless I am needed for another task I will continue working on what I was before.  When I would come in and jump right into my projects, Coach would come over and ask me why I did not tell her my game plan for the day.  I understand that she would want to know what I am up to, nut I am not just off to the side playing games, I am just finishing/continuing what I did the previous day.  Regardless, I understand that she wants to be informed on what I am working on throughout the day so now I always check with her before I start my work for the day.

More recently, Coach and I had a talk about my role.  As a manager and intern I asked if I could be more involved with workouts, line-up, whatever else.  I quickly realized that that was not going to happen when she told me what the position of manager really was.  We had bad two perceptions of it:  I thought it was an extension of a coach, just doing the smaller tasks but in reality it is a manager in the sense of getting water bottles, getting the clock, picking up the kickboards, etc.  Coach explained that what I am doing now is a big help and that I am already doing more than a normal manager would do and since I do not want to go into swimming professionally that I do not need to help her with workouts or anything  like that.  Another thing that we did not talk about but she always tells me is that I need to take initiative.  It is very hard for me to take initiative because I do not know what needs to be done and I definitely do not want to get in the way or set something back because I tried to help and thought I was doing the right thing when I was not.  There have been times where I take initiative but then Coach would disprove of what I was trying to do and so now I just wait to be told what to do.

Due to our different personalities and the way we want things done, it has been very difficult for us to get along.  Coach says that when I am around her I become stiff, tense, and nervous.  Coach lives in the moment.  That is probably one of the best and worst things about her because when s great moment happened she will look like the happiest person in the world but when she is not, it shows.  If it was not obvious from the above portion, I do not have many outwardly great moments and I normally have bad moments that I did not even realize were bad.  So if I do not know what she is going to say, I automatically think it is a criticism on something that I did that day and probably do tense up.  I do not do it on purpose nor realize that I do it most of the time, but she points it out to me so I need to figure out how to come across differently to her; I do not want Coach to feel uneasy around me just because of the way I look.

The biggest issue with our communication is the way we communicate. If there is one thing that I have learned about myself throughout this entire internship it is that I am too sensitive when it comes to my career.  Coach tells me that I am too sensitive and says that I need to stop taking things personally.  I do need to let comments roll off my back.  She wants me to talk to her more, so I come up before every practice, unless she is talking to a swimmer, I get everything done fast and on time so she has it, if she points out something I do wrong then I make a mental note to fix it next time; it is hard when I try to adjust and instead of taking two steps forward I take one step forward but then do something else wrong and go back two.  I do not know how to not take that personally.  When I do something I go all-out, especially something for my future, and when my best does not seem to be good enough, I cannot help but take that personally.  It is not as though Coach is sitting there waiting for me to fail, absolutely not, but when she points out even the littlest things that I do wrong it makes me feel like I failing.  Coach says that I need someone who is fun and outgoing and will give me positives all the time as a boss.  I disagree with that. I do not need someone holding my hand but I do need someone guiding my way and I think that is where it all goes wrong.  This is a new program and Coach is doing sun a great job with it!  She needs someone who knows what he/she is doing from the start and that is not me.  I have not played a collegiate sport; I have not been this involved in a collegiate sport so I do not know how it goes.  Coach has so much going on and so much responsibility on her shoulders that I understand that she cannot take the time to guide me; I do what I am told and I get the job done.

A few weeks ago I received an anonymous text with a picture of a few swimmers with alcohol.  When I first received that picture my heart sank and I became upset because these individuals were being stupid and drinking while in-season knowing that there was a big meet in the next few weeks.  As a Resident Assistant and the manager of the swim team, I contacted the individuals in the picture and talked with them individually to try and get their side of the story.  After talking with the three of them I then told Coach Kalmikova about what I received and mentioned that I talked to those involved.  I did not want to go into too much detail through text or really even over the phone, I wanted it in person, but she reasonably she kept asking questions so I told her almost everything that I knew.  When I went to talk with her and Steve the following day, they became very angry at the fact that I went to the swimmers first.  They said that I should have told them what was going on then ask if I should talk to them, not the other way around.  While I understand that another plan of action could have been taken, I will admit that I still fully do not understand what was wrong with my path. I would want someone to talk with me before telling an authority figure so that is what I did.  I was the person with this information randomly given to her so I dealt with it the best way that I knew how.  There was no hidden agenda or a way to act a Coach, but nonetheless that was how they perceived it.  Instead of me doing something right for Coach, I did what I thought was the right thing to do.

So far this season has been a difficult one.  There was a time when a lot of swimmers did not know if the NCAA would let them swim or not.  It was a very long wait, but finally all but two of our swimmers were able to compete and that was a big relief, especially for the line-ups.  In addition to the NCAA, there have been many swimmers who have become hurt and are unable to swim at this time and others who have quit.  Throughout all of this, I think the team itself has bonded.  They know who is in it for the long haul and who could not handle the pressure of a college athlete.  

My next project has been working on a website called berecruited.com.  I look at student profliles and record the e-mail addresses, phone numbers, and what he/she swims by state.  I look at what the students want to major in and the ones who want what Tiffin University offers I take their information and out them into an excel sheet.  I think right now I have recorded about 300 students, males and females each.  Along with that, I have been going through the list and e-mailing those students from Coach’s e-mail.  It is a tedious job, but one that definitely needs to be done for recruiting and I do not mind helping out even on the little things.  As I put in more names, I keep thinking that this could be another student that will help change the program and create the future of the swimming and diving team here at TU.

The next project that I did was look up hotels for the away meets.  The one thing that Coach wanted was to have a hotel at a reasonable price within six miles from where the meet is held. The only away meets are at Calvin College in Grand Valley, MI and the GLIAC meet in Geneva, OH.  It was really difficult for me to find a hotel that was so close to the pools.  I probably looked at five to six hotels each place but I they would br too far away.  When I would find a hotel that seemed good I would tell Coach about it and either she would have me e-mail the information I have to her or I would make a call to the hotel to see what rooms were available.  Especially because the team is a larger group sometimes the hotel did not have the number of rooms we needed available and then my search would continue.  I think I looked up hotels for roughly three weeks, but eventually I found some good hotels that had an exercise room, free breakfast, wifi, and were within five miles of the pools. I sent all of the information I received to Coach and a few weeks later she called me in to talk about the hotels.  When I went into the meeting I was not sure what she wanted from me because I had sent her all of the information that I had, but she was upset and told me that I came unprepared.  She looked at the information I gave her and then I gave Steve the contact information that I received from my research.  Steve reserved the hotels with Coach’s card and I hope they used my research because Coach had Steve look up the same as well as different hotels after our meeting. 

One of the first projects that I had was reserving camp glen.  Coach had said that she wanted the team to go and I made the call and set everything up with them. The morning we were supposed to leave Coach called me and asked about food.  I called camp glen and they told me about the pizzas they make and I passed that onto Coach; I was almost late to my lass because of those phone calls but it also made me realize that you need to be ready for anything and I need to stop sleeping in and procrastinating.  At Camp Glen one of the first things Coach did was take a group picture.  I was dressed as a student and am short so I got in the picture and was is the front of the picture as well.  The next day, Coach told me that she did not want me standing in the middle of the group with for the pictures since I am not a swimmer.  This made sense to me and I figured because I am the manager I should act like it, not like an athlete from now on.  Coach also showed this to me because she told me that I would not be participating in the activities. Again I understood because I was not part of the team, just there to help and the swimmers and divers needed to bond as a team.  It was really interesting to me because a few of the swimmers told me that I was part of the team.  I had to tell them no, but it felt nice that they wanted to include me.  I think that Camp Glen was a success for the team.  They really bonded and it was nice to see them all working together.  They had bonded as friends but now they really knew how to support and push each other as teammates.

After that first day I was so excited to see what techniques Coach was going to teach them and how they could improve; however, she asked me where my computer was and it was in my room because I did not know that I needed to bring it.  Coach seemed very upset that I did not know that I needed to bring my computer and told me that she then had nothing for me to do.  Coach said that she wanted me to look up hotels for away meets, but I obviously could not do that.  I tried to make it up by saying I can use the internet on my phone, but even when I did, it was not as good as if I had brought my computer.  Sidenote:  I absolutely despise carrying my computer around.  It is too big to fit into my bookbag, it has a bad charging port, and I do not get back to my room until about 9PM so it would be with me literally all day.  For a few days after, I would text Coach and see if I needed to bring my computer.  When all she said was yes I decided to just stop asking and bring it regardless.  Every so often she will want me to do something that needs a password that is saved to Coach’s computer so she will bring hers and I can leave mine in my room, but even then I would still bring mine on the off-chance Coach either forgot and/or decided to stop bringing hers to practice

Since my schedule is so crazy, I needed a swimmer to take me to the YMCA and a band member to come pick me up and bring me to band practice.  I first started going to practice with Steve.  Since I was considered a manager, I did not want the swimmers to feel like I was treated the same as them by riding with them.  Truthfully, as a resident assistant you hear things that sometimes you do not want to hear and as a manager I felt that if I heard something in confidence from the students I would feel obligated to tell Coach or Steve.  Anyway, Tuesdays and Fridays are a tough squeeze since I have class at the Heminger Center til 12:15 and Steve would leave for practice around 12:25.  Regardless, I still tried and it was fun riding with him, but then one day Coach told me that Steve is not my personal chauffeur and that I cannot always rely on him to take me.  Before she said that, I had never intentioned or thought I made it appear as though Steve was acting as my chauffeur, but nevertheless I decided that I would ride with swimmers and never ask him for a ride unless I was absolutely desperate and I have not ridden to practice with him in probably almost two months now.  The true struggle was who then could I ride with.  It was the third week of practice and everyone had already gotten used to their given cars.  I texted everyone that I had on the swim team and thankfully Trey said that he could take me and I ride with him and his car every Tuesday and Friday.  They are such a great group of people to be around and always put me in a good mood on the way to practice.  On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays I ride with Alex and it’s nice because he is the only senior on the team so we talk about the progress of the team and how soon we graduate.